"Is his sperm floating around in you" This is just one of the 897 questions a former surrogate (gestational carrier) told me to she had to field.
In the defense of those unfamiliar with surrogacy, I can see how questions would arise. To make matters more complicated, Justin and I live in a state where surrogacy is very uncommon unlike California, Oregon, and Colorado just to name a few. In those state, nearly every person has a friend or acquaintance who have been intended parents or a surrogate.
I've spent the last two months educating myself, meeting other intended parents, speaking with doctors and lawyers, and other surrogates. Here's the basic breakdown of how it all works.
Step 0: Figure out how we are going to pay for this.
If you find us living in a van down by the river, you'll know why.
Step 1: Find a surrogate.
This is obvious however is the most difficult part. Consider the amount of time you invest in finding the perfect home or car or TV or couch and multiply that by 1,000,000. This person is not only carrying our child but they will become a lifelong part of our family's story.
Step 2: Determine which fertility clinic you will use.
The most important factors we were interested were a) What is their success rate? b) Do they have a program designed specifically for surrogacy (aka gestational carries) and c) What level of service do they provide.
I'll do another blog post on navigating all these questions but know one thing, all fertility clinics aren't alike. The process to even determine which clinic were would use was a solid month of phone calls and left messages and the unreturned calls. Under the suggestion of other intended parents and surrogates we got to know, they had a common theme - ORM (Oregon Reproductive Medicine) is the best. We tested that hypothesis and thus far feel the same way.
Step 3: Test. More Tests. And More Test.
This is the pre-cycle testing but Justin and I must complete. This includes both physical and psychological. The surrogate (aka gestational carrier) also undergoes similar testing.
Step 4: Embryo Creation
Step 5: Embryo Transfer
Step 6: Early Stage Monitoring
Step 7: Waiting, waiting, and waiting.
Step 8: A baby!